My relationship with peanut butter and chocolate desserts needs no explanation for long-time readers. One day I’ll tell the story of how the little peanut butter pie that could came to be. Today, though, I want to share a new peanut butter and chocolate recipe with all of you. It’s only recently that I could even fathom that flavor combination again. Cooking has the power to heal, but some recipes, some flavors, well, they’re too reminiscent of moments that I’ll never experience again.
It’s funny, pistachios work their way into so many of my recipes because Michael loved them. One glimpse of those little nuts is enough to spontaneously make a smile appear. Chocolate and peanut butter resonated differently until recently. They touched a nerve that still needed time to heal. When I looked at the theme for this week’s Food Network Comfort Food Feast, I froze for a moment—most comforting peanut butter recipes. I felt a little pressure about the pie. I think it’s fair to say that when people hear peanut butter, comfort and my name in the same breath, then that pie is what comes to mind.
I thought about sitting this week out. Then I realized that would only be running away. A big part of grief is wondering if “I’m doing it right”. There is no “right”, though. Sometimes it’s simply mustering the energy to get through the day. Others are filled with genuine joy and happiness, for both the moment I’m living in, and the moments that have passed.
Lately, I’m wading in a thick pool of emotions, aching for Michael in a way that seems almost more unbearable than when he first died. The truth is there are a lot of things happening in my life right now triggering these feelings. For one, Isabella will be graduating from elementary school in three months. Her academic journey began with us together as a family. In a way, Michael was still with us. This new chapter that will begin in September is one in which he’ll have no tangible connection.
Isabella’s graduation represents the fork in the road. We must move forward, knowing a part of him will be left behind, lingering in the halls of her old school. Memories of watching holiday recitals together, going in together for parents as reading partners, and class celebrations.
Right now, that peanut butter pie recipe isn’t comforting. I’m not there yet. I know I’ll get there one day, just not right now. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean I care less; it just is, as so many things are in life. And so, I started thinking about what he would love if he could taste a new peanut butter and chocolate combination. Nothing was calling to me, and then suddenly it popped into my head while I was making cinnamon rolls this weekend. Why not add some peanut butter and chocolate to the filling? A few nights ago I found myself in the kitchen after the girls were tucked in, whipping up a quick adaptation of my classic cinnamon bun recipe to make peanut butter chocolate cinnamon buns. It’s a little tweak, but a game changer nonetheless. A welcome reminder that the small steps I take are as meaningful as the leaps and bounds.
via:http://www.injennieskitchen.com/2014/03/peanut-butter-chocolate-cinnamon-buns/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+typepad%2FPFAc+%28IN+JENNIE%27S+KITCHEN%29
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